I find it difficult to speak so openly about this issue as someone very dear to me has been struggling with bipolar disorder and a severe form of anxiety since I was relatively young. This someone happens to be my mother, an absolutely incredible and resilient woman and the most generous and kind-hearted person I know. I respect her so much for being able to deal with her illness for so long and putting up with all the people who have constantly degraded and disrespected her, and still continue to do so.
I decided to write about this, not because I wanted people to feel sorry for my mother or myself, but rather to create awareness and make people understand the complexity and serious nature of mental illnesses and the incredible impact they have on one’s life.
It has been an all-consuming illness for my mother that has made it difficult for her to lead a so-called ‘normal’ life. I also feel it is an obligation on my part to counter the ignorance and dehumanisation that is associated with mental health issues not only in Pakistan but around the world, including Lebanon and the US. The final straw for me was reading the article called ‘Celebs with mental disorders: Lock up the crazy‘ which was published on The Express Tribune website on February 17, 2012, but later removed.
I could probably write a whole book filled with the amount of experiences and stories I have in relation to dealing with my mother’s mental illness considering I am one of the very few belonging to her support system. However, I will focus on a few points here that I think will resonate with people.
For one, I want to touch upon the topic of the ‘loony bin’ or ‘madhouse’ that people love to casually refer to, in different contexts, and the ‘crazies’ that go there, not to mention the ridiculously stereotypical and unrealistic portrayal of mental institutions in movies. It frustrates me when people talk about mental health institutions and people who are admitted into them in such a demeaning and inhumane manner. How many of you have actually been to at least one mental health institution in your life? My guess is not too many.
Whenever my mother has had manic episodes from her bipolar disorder she has needed to be admitted to a mental health institution. I must say it is nothing like what you see in the movies nor is it similar to the fabricated image that many people have in their head and often refer to. It is no different from any other health institution. The physical building itself looks like any other hospital, and the people over there are seeking treatment, not screaming at the top of their lungs – violent and out of touch with reality.
Something that people forget to recognise is the vast variety, complexity and severity of mental illnesses that exist and the way they impact people in different ways. I will not deny the fact that when my mother experiences a manic episode, she loses herself – becoming hyperactive, unrealistic and even experiencing hallucinations. However, this only happens on rare occasion and for shorter periods of time. During the treatment, she is able to recover from the episode and stabilise her mood.
Additionally, our family is from Lebanon where mental illness is awfully misunderstood as it is in Pakistan and even to some extent in the US. Unfortunately, my mother has had an extremely difficult time dealing with her illness and has lacked any type of support system from our extended family as many of them do not understand her condition nor do they have any sensitivity or recognition of it. Even worse, many of them have constantly put her down and failed to recognise the severity of her illness and the need to be supportive. For example, she has been told she is worthless and completely crazy- lucky my father has stuck around with such a person for so long, complaining for the sake of complaining, making it up that she has a problem, and much more. Their mentality (and many others from our country and background) and the way they deal with the idea of mental illness and those suffering from it is just horrible. It is a taboo to the extent that people pretend it does not exist nor is it a serious matter.
Mental health professionals and services have been more than disappointing even in the US, where there is this extreme obsession with medication that has frustrated us for many years now. I will not deny that the medication helps to keep my mother’s bipolar somewhat stabilised, but in general, all the medications do not make her happy nor do they take away the daily struggle that is associated with mental illness. Additionally, the medication has several side effects. It has negatively impacted my mother’s concentration, memory and energy levels. She has had a great deal of trouble learning new things, like how to use a cell phone for instance, which seems like such a simple task to many of us. Overall, there is great need for coping mechanisms, support systems, extreme patience, encouragement and much more beyond just taking medications.
There is one incident that I have never been able to forget. It was during a visit to the mental health institution, while my mother was recovering from a manic episode, that my father and I met with her psychiatrist and asked him what could we do to help her get better.
“You just need to accept that your mother has these problems. She is like this and always will be,” was his response.
Talk about a slap in the face and lack of constructive criticism. The way he told my father and me that my mother was never going to get any better instead of encouraging us to cope with the illness infuriated me beyond words. However, I never let this inadequate and insensitive psychiatrist stop me from continuing to support my mother, day in and day out, and boost her self-esteem, spirit and worth.
To this day, mental illness is extremely misunderstood by many around the world, but I want to emphasise that it should not taken lightly or disregarded by anyone. It is just as bad – and in some cases even worse than- many physical diseases. We still have a long way to go before people recognise its seriousness and the struggle the ones suffering have to go through.
The views expressed by the writer and the reader comments do not necassarily reflect the views and policies of the Express Tribune.
I am a doctor currently posted at a psych ward and you are absolutely right when you say that mental institutions are nothing like they are portrayed in the movies. On the contrary I have seen patients that have an higher emotional quotient than some of our psychiatrists. It is really terrible how mental disease is perceived in our society and special consideration is not given to the needs of these patients. The patients do not choose to act the way they do but unfortunately many fail to see it that way.
I was specially surprised when a woman suffering from post partum psychosis at the gynae ward was being repeatedly told ‘you have killed your child’. And then they sent a call for the psych ward to come and stablize the patient. I wrote them a prescription and a note saying ‘please stop agitating the patient’.
It is about time when people stopped judging those with mental disorders specially when almost everyone other person here is affected by some sort of psychological disorder, the most common being ‘narcissism’
During our two week rotation in psychiatry ward , we listened to patients of Bipolar Mania being interviewed. We were struck by how ‘normal’ they sounded even when they were in a mild maniac phase. There’s a very blurred border between stability and instability in their case.
Yasmine you’ve done a great job of supporting your mother ! Allah Subhan-o-Taula will reward you immensely for your patience and love.
My thoughts exactly on reading that piece. You did well to write this piece.
Psychiatry rotation was the most interesting one so far. Here’s a little account of that
http://wowelldone.blogspot.com/2012/01/tales-from-psychiatry-ward.html
Very touching article which shows personal struggle at many different levels.
Unfortunately, the techno-scientific and rational age in which we are living affords very little or no space to “delinquents” and “deviance” that have historically constituted the conditions of human reasoning.
“To this day, mental illness is extremely misunderstood by many around the world, but I want to emphasise that it should not taken lightly or disregarded by anyone. It is just as bad – and in some cases even worse than- many physical diseases. We still have a long way to go before people recognise its seriousness and the struggle the ones suffering have to go through.”
Says it all.
now imagine this the other way around… in my case it was my mother who was told by an insensitive psychiatrist that her 17 year old daughter was standing on the precipice of insanity and all he cud do was to wait n see if she wud or wud not breakdown… i was the daughter… he turned a simple matter of bipolar disorder into a severe incurable mental disease…
i dealt with it myself thru books and forums and after 4 years im as normal as anyone can be… and a shiver runs thru my body wen i remember the horrors which that doc made my mother to live thru…
As a bipolar woman, and one who was triggered by that piece, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I may able to write about how distressing it bipolar disorder is for those of us who have it, but this explains how it impacts all those who love us and how difficult it also is for our support system to have to deal with so much ignorance.
Thank you again Yasmin. This must have been incredibly hard to write.
Such a beautiful piece of writing 🙂
Bipolar disorder is one of the saddest mental illnesses that is most difficult to treat let alone cure. The patients or sufferers go through 2 extreme variations of mood swings ranging from suicidal lows to irrepressible highs. This unfortunate ailment that classically runs in families manifests itself in late teens and requires lifelong treatment. 15% of bipolar victims commit suicide before the age of 40 and patients’ whole family needs active encouragement and involvement for the therapy to work.
Things are much better now and with the availability of better and safer antidepressants and mood stabilizing agents along with regular psychotherapy, an almost normal life span and activity is possible.
A lot of research is going on into the etiologic basis of this disorder and hopefully things will be better in the years to come.
@Dr Noman @ Nabiha Well written article by Yasmine;Thank you. I have lost my 32 Year old son and his loss has left me and mine forever changed. The pain never goes away. Nabiha I follow you on Fb where I happened to discover your state of being helpless at the hands of ignorance and idiocy of many we come across. My son had a brilliant mind and he read and wrote well. He left me his treasure of letters and poems which you can read on my blog http://www.bilafond.wordpress.com when ever you have time and feel like knowing how he felt . I know there was lot of sadness in what he wrote. He committed suicide in May 2007. Will be happy to share his last letter privately with you which he emailed me half an hour before he left us . It is sad sad feeling right now, but could not help to write this down. @Nabiha I know what you experience have been experiencing. Sorry for being a bit carried away.
My heart feels much lighter to know that other people are suffering from the same condition, and someone is actually writing about it. My dad has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, but how can you convince someone with bipolar disorder to admit their predicament?
Brave and nice of you to share this with others.
It would have put things in a clearer perspective if you had spelt out in which country is this based, I assumed you are talking about the US.
@Shehrazade Thank you for your reflection on this matter. I like to admit that I am living with a feeling of ‘guilt’ for not not doing enough for MOODY. That feeling afflicts me no matter what I do. Life has to go on and it does. In such cases Time is no healer.
The fact that your mom knows she has you– you have no idea how happy it must make her feel. Take it from a guy with 8 years of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Thanks for this post. Much appreciated!
@Sarang Qazi:
“On the contrary I have seen patients that have an higher emotional quotient than some of our psychiatrists.” I think some of these patients may even have a higher IQ then doctors treating them. Higher IQ may be a part of the problem.
@hani: “i dealt with it myself thru books and forums and after 4 years im as normal as anyone can be… and a shiver runs thru my body wen i remember the horrors which that doc made my mother to live thru…” You are a living proof that people can recover from bad mental states (not psychosis)” by educating themselves about what is going on with their mind. I am glad you proved that insensitive doctor wrong. He needs some counselling on how to deal with patients at an emotional level.
I can relate to the piece of writing. I’ve Bipolar disorder and I’m as normal most of the times as anyone can be. But I do think support system is very important. Doing in alone on your own is very difficult.
I’ve faced a lot as someone who suffers from bipolar. I was on the verge of giving up. I missed a whole year from university. I was called a RETARD and a psychopath by some of the closest friends i had in college just over a petty fight. It’s been a very tough journey but somehow I made it through. I’m still carrying on and trying everyday to make it through. I hope people get awareness about the disorder cause I hear people telling me that I don’t try hard enough everyday . They don’t understand that I can’t just snap out of it. Just cause my problem isn’t apparent and juts cause I don’t have wounds and visible deficiencies doesn’t mean my problem doesn’t exist.
@Tooba Syed:
I” hope people get awareness about the disorder cause I hear people telling me that I don’t try hard enough everyday . They don’t understand that I can’t just snap out of it”. I think people see you as “NORMAL” and suggest you to snap out it. Would you rather want people to see as “NORMAL” or some one with a mental problem?. Whitney Houston and Micheal Jackson the famous singers needed drugs to feel normal Public did not see them as sick people.
Interesting move.
Very Well Written! I agree with you whole heartedly.
I absolutely love, appreciate and sympathize with this article. Thank you for taking the time to write it and to work toward the elimination of the stigma. I come from a family where mental illness is an everyday part of life for most of us and, like you, I can not begin to count the number of times the stigma associated with my illness (or my mother’s) has interfered in our employment, relationships and personal emotional well-being. Some if not most of the most intelligent, caring, well-spoken and dedicated people I have ever known were also struggling with mental illness. As someone who works in the psych and behavioral health care field I regret to say that my experiences with employers and co-workers has been nearly traumatizing at times. It is so sad that even some of those who are trained and meant to help and try to understand those who struggle with a mental illness are also those who are directly or indirectly making out lives more difficult. Again – thank you for writing this and please continue to advocate.
Well done!
You have changed my perspective and thoughts about mental illness and i thank you for that.
Very well written and shows how emotionally attached you are with the subject. This piece should be shared a lot!
Thank you for this. The stereotypes and stigma associated with mental illness (eseptically with Bipolar Disorder) have the potential and do cause harm to victims of mental illness and their families. Testimonies like your help educate.